how to deal with flirting spouse

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Dealing with a flirting spouse can be a challenging and emotional experience. It can make you feel insecure, jealous, and distrustful, and understandably, it can put a strain on your marriage or relationship. However, there are ways to handle this situation without compromising your peace of mind or your dignity.

In this article, we will discuss some healthy and effective ways of dealing with a spouse that flirts. We will also answer some frequently asked questions and provide practical tips that you can apply immediately.

1. Communicate your feelings

The first step in handling a flirting spouse is to communicate your feelings. Don’t suffer in silence or pretend that everything is okay when it isn’t. Talk to your spouse about how their actions make you feel, and be honest and specific. Avoid making accusations, being confrontational or attacking your spouse’s character. Use “I” statements and express your own thoughts and feelings.

For instance, you can say “I feel hurt and disrespected when you flirt with other people in front of me. It makes me feel like I’m not enough for you, and it’s not okay with me.” This approach shows that you take responsibility for your emotions and sets the tone for a constructive conversation.

2. Set boundaries

Once you have communicated your feelings, it’s essential to set boundaries that you are comfortable with. Boundaries are the limits you set on what you are willing to tolerate in your relationship. They define your expectations and deal breakers and help you protect your emotional well-being.

For example, you can say “I don’t want you to flirt with other people in my presence. It’s disrespectful and hurtful, and if you continue doing it, I will have to rethink our relationship.” This boundary shows your spouse that you value yourself and your relationship and won’t tolerate behavior that undermines it.

3. Focus on your self-esteem

Dealing with a flirting spouse can make you feel unattractive, unworthy, and insecure. However, it’s essential to remember that your self-worth doesn’t depend on your partner’s actions or opinions. You are valuable and deserving of love and respect, regardless of what your spouse does or doesn’t do.

Therefore, focus on your self-esteem by engaging in activities that make you feel good about yourself, such as exercise, hobbies, socializing with friends, or indulging in self-care practices. When you feel confident and happy, you are less likely to be affected by your spouse’s flirting behavior.

4. Don’t blame yourself

It’s easy to blame yourself when your spouse flirts with other people. You may think that you are not attractive enough, not exciting enough, or not fun enough to keep your spouse’s attention. However, this kind of thinking is irrational and harmful.

Flirting is a choice that your spouse makes, and it’s their responsibility to respect your feelings and your relationship. Don’t take their behavior personally or internalize their actions as a reflection of your worth. You are not responsible for their actions, and you cannot control their choices.


1. Why is my spouse flirting with other people?

There are many reasons why a spouse might flirt with others. Some of the most common ones include boredom, insecurity, attention-seeking, low self-esteem, cultural or social norms, or lack of emotional connection in the relationship. However, none of these reasons justifies disrespectful or hurtful behavior.

2. How can I tell if my spouse is flirting or just being friendly?

Sometimes, it’s hard to tell the difference between flirting and friendliness. However, some signs of flirting include extended eye contact, physical touch or closeness, compliments on physical appearance, suggestive comments or jokes, and a lack of respect for personal space or boundaries. If you feel uncomfortable or suspicious about your spouse’s behavior, it’s essential to talk to them about it.

3. What should I do if my spouse refuses to stop flirting?

If your spouse refuses to respect your boundaries or continue to flirt despite your objections, it’s essential to reassess your relationship. You cannot control your spouse’s behavior, but you can control your response to it. You deserve to be in a relationship that makes you feel safe, respected, and cherished. If your spouse is unwilling to provide that, you may need to consider separation or divorce.


Dealing with a flirting spouse can be a difficult and emotionally charged experience. However, it’s essential to remember that you have the power to control your response and protect your emotional well-being. Communicate your feelings, set boundaries, focus on your self-esteem, and don’t blame yourself for your spouse’s actions. Remember that you deserve to be in a relationship that respects and values you.